pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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