News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
