This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
