Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
