can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
