I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
