i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
