what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
