You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
