I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
