I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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