She announced her abortion via fbk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm like, not good at living.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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