yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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