Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
