I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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