Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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