someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
