You work out of a Hotel?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
