I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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