I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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