I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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