"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
