Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
someone owes me an orgasm
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
