Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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