Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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