I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
