well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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