So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
