just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
