oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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