it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
