Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
