he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
