omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
