It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
