Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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