friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
