He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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