I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
