PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
