miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
