sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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