He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
