i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
