I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
