Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
