Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
