I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
