i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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