I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
