This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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